I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
