I'm really into asian looking animals
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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