why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Actions speak louder than pants.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
