he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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