Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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