how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize