I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
