ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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