I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
