Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
