office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
