erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
