Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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