I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
