if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
time to smoke my breakfast
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
