Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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