I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
