I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
