im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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