Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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