at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
