I want to make a zoo with you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
