Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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