Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
