Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
