Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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