Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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