just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bring money and cleavage
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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