Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
