i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
