Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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