she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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