I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
