Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
