Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
