I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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