i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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