i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
