i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
