Someone shit on the floor
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I did not marry a roomba.
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