either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need water and some morals
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
