Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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