Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
