I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
