you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
