My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
zippers are such a cool invention
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
