I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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