The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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