i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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