margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
