I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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