I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
