Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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