i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
