there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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