i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
