John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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