Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
