He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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