Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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