Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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