I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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