Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
