You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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