We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
