I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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