Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
