Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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