i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
