i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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